PTSD

Turns out you can get PTSD from the doctor's office. I will remember that for when my kids are scared and traumatized by the doctor. I thought I had been doing remarkably well with the help I was getting after my D&C. I was feeling happy again. I hardly even felt sad when I thought about my babies. I was functioning pretty normally again. Then I had my follow up visit. I was instructed to make one to make sure everything turned out ok after the D&C, so I did. It was on Tuesday afternoon. I was feeling normal that day. When I pulled into the parking lot, my heart rate went up quite a bit. I was feeling a little sweaty, too, but I told myself I was being dumb and to stop it. I went into the office to check in, and I could hardly talk to the nurse I was so nervous. Luckily I didn't have to wait long, but even so, by the time I got into the exam room to wait for the doctor I was out of control. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't sit still. I couldn't think. It was like trying to take a breath right after taking a deep breath. I was crying, and I couldn't tell why. What was wrong? I was FINE 30 min ago. Then my doctor came in. Tears were streaming down my cheeks. I could barely talk to him, and I could barely control myself. My doctor asked me a couple questions, and then commented on how I was not myself today. I looked anxious and upset. He told me it was not uncommon to get PTSD after these procedures. Then he offered me a prescription for the anxiety and depression. I was not in the right frame of mind to even think about it. I told him I was ok, and I would be fine as soon as I could leave. He told me to call if I changed my mind. I got 12 vials of blood drawn then for testing right afterwards. I was getting worse with every minute I was in there. I didn't even know they had taken so many vials until I saw the pile afterward. I left in a hurry. That night, needless to say, I was a mess. And I couldn't sleep to top it off. I finally got to sleep sometime after 2am. I felt no better that morning or as the morning proceeded. I decided to call the doctor for a benzo or something to help me get through unexpected times like these. The nurse went to talk to him, and he said he wanted to talk to me and he would call me back sometime later today. At 5pm his nurse called me again and told me that he said he was sorry he hadn't called yet. He had an emergency surgery and was stuck all day and that he would call me back later that evening. When 9:30 rolled around I realized he wasn't going to call. I guess I just have to wait until the storm is over. At midnight I couldn't sleep, so I went on a walk. My mind just went numb and I walked. I didn't get back until after 2am. And I still can't sleep. I don't understand what is happening to me. I have never been so out of control. So up or down. So utterly helpless. It has been so random. How can I possibly know how to avoid or prepare? I'll have to just wait and see how long it takes to feel better. I am not very high on the list of people to help, I guess. I don't know if I have the strength to try to get through this as well again.