News.

Today was a bad day. Well, it wasn't until late at night. I was watching a movie, and in it a girl gave birth to a healthy baby girl. Just seeing her pregnant didn't bother me. The baby crying didn't bother me. But I was surprised when I instantly broke into sobs when she put her finger in the baby's mouth, and the baby started sucking. I don't know why that was what got me. I sobbed and sobbed for a few minutes. It was the first time I have cried for sadness in 2 days. It was the first time in 2 days I couldn't control myself. What is happening to me?

The movie ended and I went to feed the dogs. To pass the time, I checked my email and facebook. I got a message from my childhood best friend that said she was expecting a baby boy Jan 31. Just typing that brings tears to my eyes again. I started bawling again. Hot tears on my cheeks. I cried even longer this time. And it took a while until the tears stopped. I really am so happy for her. But the sting of the reminder of my loss is still sharp. Very sharp. My husband told me that Abraham going through the trial of sacrificing Isaac was the biggest trial of faith there ever has been. Was it, perhaps, losing a child was the hardest part? I hope I don't have to find out.