Birthday Blues

I've got the birthday blues. Not in the way you might think, though. Yeah, I'm getting older, and yeah, I'm not particularly happy about it. But, it's not that at all. I've been feeling blue because it was this time two years ago that I lost my first baby. No joke. The same week as my birthday. What a great way to remember that loss. I was hoping I could forget about it. But then I felt an overwhelming wave of guilt for wanting to forget about my baby. It was only 6 weeks old when it died right? But it was so much more than that. It was the enormous potential of another life in my life. I planned its birth, its room, its name, its place in my home and heart. What I lost wasn't just a small blob of cells. It was so much more. And now my birthday (which unfortunately comes every year) will ALWAYS remind me of my losses. Both my babies.